Hey all,
April was a wild ride. And I am really excited to share with you the lessons that I learned this month. I hope you're ready because it is a doosey!
April Highlights:
A letter to my inner critic
Sicily
A Letter
I've been doing a bit of inner exploration recently and I am particularly focused on getting back to the version of myself before the influence of societal expectations. That leads me to remembering myself as young girl where my inhibitions were mostly non existent. As a creative I heavily feel the need to be appreciated and like many of my fellow creatives I get sucked into the trap of the algorithms. In effect I bend my creative ideas around the trends and styles that are booming today. But it’s not only in my creative life. I look around at all of the people in my life and it appears they’ve got their “thing” while I am still throwing spaghetti. (the see what sticks metaphor seems appropriate because I live in Italy). So what is my secret sauce? What is my thing?
Eventually I realized the main figure holding me back from doing things my way and being unabashedly me is my inner critic. Every time I find myself struggling with who I am the critic shows up on my figurative doorstep and tells me, “Lindsey this isn’t going to work out. You have no idea what you are doing. You should find something else that’s less scary and easier to accomplish. Her persistence is impressive.
So the other day I decided to write her a letter, and this is what I wrote:
My dearest dark side,
I want to start by telling you that despite you being the voice in my head that holds me back, that makes me feel fear, and inferior, despite the whispers and the words you utter to keep me complacent, stopping me from growth and from moving forward or getting better at something I want to be better at, I want you to know that I love you.
I have pictured you as the many faces in my life who have told me that I am un-able, un-lovable, inadequate. I see now these faces have been your fuel to feed your flame so large that it devours me and my dreams, my identity, and my confidence until I nothing but a tiny bit of ash. Though I have imagined you with all of these faces I know that your true face is that of my own.
It's the face I see in the mirror, looking back at me. I often try to ignore you but now I see more clearly as I write these words that I haven't been doing a very good job of ignoring you. Your voice is an ear-worm that circles in my mind. Words that have slipped through the imaginative barrier that appears to have a leak somewhere.
The thing is I know you like the safety and comfort of staying the same. You feel protected in remaining small, not wanting to take up too much space in the world. In effect you are trying to keep me safe from the things you've deemed bad, or too big, or not good enough.
So instead of ignoring you I am prepared to listen and acknowledge your voice.
I might not always agree but I promise to listen to your warnings. We've come a long way you and been through a lot but at last, my dark-side, you will no longer be the driver my reality. I thank you for your services that you've provided for me as they have served me well. I await our next encounter but until then please be kind to yourself.
Lindsey
I have to admit this exercise was very cathartic. This letter came from the Morning Pages exercise, where I write every morning for three pages and let my thoughts flow. I wanted to share this with you because I know that we all carry a little inner critic and some times we need to better understand that part of ourselves in order to understand more about why we react to the world in the way that we do. I encourage you to write a letter to yourself and see what comes of it.
Tales from Tuscany
Sicily!
At the end of April my little family went on its first adventure to Sicily.
My husband and I visited two years ago on our baby-moon (I was pregnant) and we decided it would be a great trip for E's first flight- 1 hour and 20 minutes.
All in all the trip went smooth and E did great sitting on my lap for the flights, staying mostly calm for the whole ride.
But let me tell you about Sicily... Cause I know you're dying to know what it's like. Our first trip was to Palermo, the west coast. For this trip we stayed in Catania the East coast.
Sicily is truly a unique and wild city. It is a real adventure if that's your cup of tea. And in years past it's always been mine. Although being a mom I might be loosing my edge.
Sicily is:
Tropical mixed with Mediterranean vibes.
People are a law unto their own- driving and parking is chaos to say the least.
Trash is everywhere- I don't mean your regular city kind of dirty, I mean mountains of trash. I learned that due to unlawful organizations the trash system is a disaster and therefore piles of plastic bags line the roadways everywhere you drive.
Mount Etna (an active volcano) it the all majesty- gazing at her you know she knows as she sits there looking over the land. She is the temperamental force that everything surrounding her bows down in fear. Or maybe that was just the feeling I got because the locals were clearly not worried about the possibility of eruption.
History is literally written on it's walls- as you walk around the city you see the influence of so many cultures: Greek, Moroccan, Byzantine, French and more. They clash and yet it all fits so wonderfully together that it takes your breath away.
This part of Italy is known for growing oranges, lemons, almonds, and pistachios.
I could go on and on about Sicily. It has become one of our favorite places to visit due to its nearness, inexpensive options, and although it's technically Italy is really is a new world unto its own.
That is all the lessons and stories I have for you this month. Stay tuned for more lessons from a creative freelancer coming to you next month.
If you are new here!
Hello and welcome!
My name is Lindsey. I come from the California coast, now living in the hills of Tuscany where I live with my little house on a hill and my little family.
I’m just a freelancer figuring out how to get through the hurdles of a creative life. I decided to start this newsletter of mine to share the journey of what life is like as a freelancer, creative, foreigner, and simple human being. I talk about the lessons I learn along the way and share things that inspire me so maybe I can inspire others.
It’s a long a winding road and I so happy you are here with me.
If you enjoyed this newsletter please comment or like it so I know that my content is making an impact. It also inspires me to create more content for you.
Until next time!
Lindsey
What a raw and honest share, thank you.
And love that you went to Sicily! Hope the return home was calm :)